Say It Ain't So

Excuse me Mayor Pawlowski for writing again, I know that you're a busy man. Me and my friend, who also worked at Mack back in the day, walked up and saw where that hockey arena is going to be. It took us a while, between my cane and his oxygen. We could barely believe the size of that hole! I bet that buildings going to cost a million dollars! My friend said that they're using the cigarette tax for the top of the building, but I told him that's nuts; That money's for children without health insurance. He's on oxygen because of those cigarettes, and you wouldn't allow the children's money to be spent that way. Anyway, with the stores gone, there was hardly anybody on Hamilton Street, but I know you know what you're doing. Those hockey games do save cities, don't they? I think my friend with the oxygen may be losing his marbles. He also said that you're going to sell the water works! I told him that he must be taking his medicine wrong. I'm going to mention it to his daughter next time she comes to Allentown. She used to live a few blocks up on Walnut Street, but moved to Catty after you sold the neighborhood parking lot to your house building friend. She got her Dutch up, because they went to meetings at the church about it, but you sold the lot anyway. You know the fancy people never moved there after all, and they had to rent those new houses out. I'm worried about my friend. He even said that you're going to mix the garbage with the poop, and burn it. I know that you're not crazy, so he must be nuts! Maybe you could come over to the senior high rise here on Walnut Street, and tell everybody that these things ain't so. Thank You.

Just Rewards

The Rubber Stamp Council of Apparatchiks (an all Democratic body of bureaucrats, as is traditional in the City With No Spending Limits) passes a resolution praising the lengthy jail sentence recently given to former dissident writer Michael Molovinsky. Molovinsky, as could be expected, ran afoul of Governor Ed Pawlowski's long-awaited "Fairness Doctrine" shortly after the sweeping law was enacted. The disgraced dissident was formally convicted of "gross political agitation, conspiracy to incite counter-revolution and blogging without a government permit". That and a few other charges revolving around heinous crimes against humanity. "It's good to know that a dangerous and ruthless criminal like Molovinsky got twice as much prison time as Jerry Sandusky," Mota related. "It's rather unfortunate that notorious IronPigPen character got away, though." (The aggrivating IPP, after a brazen smash and grab operation which left the Phantoms' Allentown ticket office effectively looted of all cash and valueable credit card information, was barely able to sneak across the unguarded border with Mexico but proceeded to make his way to east Germany on the strength of a phony passport provided by Republicans)

guest post by Rolf Oeler, from comment submitted to Back To The Future.

Allentown's Mickey Mouse Club

The Allentown Economic Development Corporation is wasting another $half million dollars on it's Baby-Diaper Changing Station, which they call the Bridgeworks Enterprise Center. Somehow, by changing the skylight panels, Allentown and Washington think that they're investing in the infrastructure of business. Meanwhile, Corbett was in Macungie visiting a real enterprise; A part manufacturer making axles for Mack Trucks. The Morning Call combined both these stories in one article, but failed to see the difference between productivity and Mickey Mouse.

More Big Adventures by Mickey
  Adorable AEDC
  AEDC's Choo Choo
  Figment of My Imagination
  Note To The Mayor

Back To The Future

It's the year 2018 and Mayor Guridy has just received the long anticipated study from A&P Associates. Advice from Afflerbach and Pawlowski doesn't come cheap, $475,000, but as City Council President Cynthia Mota said,"Sometimes it pays to invest in the best." Some of the recommendations to revive Hamilton Street and it's ailing arena complex are nothing less than brilliant. Reilly's dormant City Center Three and Four will be conveyed to The Allentown Housing Authority, to be converted into rent subsidized housing. The Lanta Terminal will become the Park Department's long anticipated Pit Bull Center, the intercity skate and dog park. The bus transfer stops are to be placed back on Hamilton Street between 7th and 9th, creating foot traffic and enhancing a sense of security. Meter rates will be reduced, once again accepting quarters and other coins. The old Allentown Brew Pub, closed since the Arena Sports Bar opened, will be torn down to create a convenient pocket parking lot. The renovations would be implemented by the Butz Company, and as is the policy, no estimates will be provided. Guridy will make the announcement early next week, and a translation in English will be available.

adapted from a previous post

New Park Ranger

When the doctor told me about my incredibly low vitamin D, he asked if my family was from Transylvania? When I replied that we were, he apologized for his faux pas and we determined that my condition was caused by blogging. I decided to get some sun by walking in our parks, combining my vitamin deficiency with my civil annoyance. Because I have never owned shorts or sneakers, the first week saw me in jeans, shirt and shoes. I went to a local discount store and purchased shorts and a tank top. Fashion now dictates that men's shorts go below the knees. Because I have short legs, the shorts went halfway to my ankles, looking like knickers from 1920. I took them to be shortened, but apparently mismarked them. Besides at the Pride Festival this past Sunday, no man wears shorts that short. I also made a mistake with the tank top. Apparently, I had inadvertently crossed over into the women's section at the discount store. When I washed the shirt, I saw the flowers on the label. Anyway, I am getting plenty of sun and investigating our parks. My first reports dealt with the No Maintenance Zone and included a letter from a dog owner, who can no longer enjoy the stream at Cedar Park. An apologist for City Hall suggested tick and insect repellant. Tony Martin replied: The no-mow zones does absolutely nothing beneficial to the creek in cedar creek park. My dog is small. Not a lab. He is only 10 inches tall and I prefer not to marinate his or my body with pesticides to repel ticks and other insects. Neither should any children be subjected to that. I, nor my best friend, have access to this once great park's best asset,the creek. You cannot even tell that a creek exists unless you cross the bridge. Please speak out about this issue,and let Mayor Pawlowski know that you the people, that pay his salary, will not stand for this nonsense to continue any longer. Mow the weeds already and restore both the view and access to this once beautiful creek/park. - Tony Martin Although I certainly do agree with Tony, currently the citizens must fight for fresh drinking water. With the private for profit Trash To Energy Plant, we have already lost the right to fresh air. Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself in my new persona as Park Ranger. More reports surely to follow.